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Day Three

January 31, 2014

Today started and ended wanting a smoke. My 7.30 was missed immensely. My coffee was drunk at my desk whilst conversing about my mission with my colleague Cath. Feeling extremely proud I filled her in on my progress to date. I then reached into my drawer to grab a cig and…. Woooaaahhhh! Old habits die hard I suppose! Only 5 seconds before, I was bragging about how well I was coping and then finished the conversation attempting to revert back to the norm! It’s a ritual, one that I have done all my adult life, for longer than I haven’t, and one that I had kind of expected not so long ago to carry on with for ever.

As a builder on site I have always had a smoke with my morning brew and this habit has carried on into my role now. And, being honest, it is a really enjoyable part of my day. Peace, quiet, a smoke with a brew, on my own, collecting my thoughts and setting myself up for the day and planning my movements. It certainly isn’t a social smoke as I would get slightly miffed if somebody should do more than say ‘good morning’ and feel the need to join me. Thankfully I don’t think I have ever been rude enough to express those thoughts to anyone who did feel the need to accompany me on my pre 8am smoke. I am also finding it difficult to decide whether to write in the past or present tense so I am not expecting to win any academic writing awards and am purposely writing as it comes! Was a smoker, am a smoker. Am I still a smoker or not?

The real test was to come later in the evening. It was my director’s penultimate day at work; drinks and food on the Quays were on the agenda. I had the full support of my colleagues and it was lovely of my director to say that smoking didn’t suit me; well I took it as a compliment! After a couple of glasses of vino and some fine Italian food I could have easily succumbed to temptation, I possibly would have if I was journeying home on my own and had available a Benson, luckily neither was the case. On arriving home I downed another glass of vino after celebrating some good news and still abstained. Another day done, good boy Steven!

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