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Day Five

February 1, 2014

Firstly may I apologise for all of my bravado and swagger in my first 4 days. Today has been a shocker! The day started well with an 8.30am appointment in the hairdressers, which again kind of distracted me from the usual ceremonial early morning stogie. I had it beat, this is easy, occupy your time in alternative past times, no sweat!

I then trekked up to my pals who needed advice on his damp patches, I kid you not! Followed by a visit to my mums, which I knew would give me the nicotine injection I may have needed. Mum is a heavy ish smoker and walking into her house could easily set me back a day or two due to the inhalation of cigarette toxins upon crossing the threshold of her abode. I only stayed for an hour or so as my daughter Ella was in need of her mid-day nap.

Upon arriving home I suddenly started to deteriorate. My saliva glands went into overdrive; I had a cramping ‘hungry’ feeling in my stomach, so I fed myself. My chest tightened. My head developed an ache. I longed for a cigarette. The worst was still to come.

I had arranged to meet with Stevie for a few beers in the arvo, and I can swear that not a second passed without needing a smoke. I must have looked totally vacant as Ste was chatting to me. We then went up to the Hunters for a couple with Matt and I confessed that I wasn’t handling this as well as I had previously claimed. If it wasn’t for Jenny supporting me now I would gladly have given in and had a smoke; that would be so easy and make me feel so much better. I would however, have let myself down, and Jen, and Ella. I know that in the long run I will be so pleased if I can kick this habit!

I now understand why it is so hard to give up smoking. It isn’t the mental issues anymore, it is the physical. I never even contemplated that as I was never a heavy smoker. As I write this at 19.28 on Saturday evening I could murder a cig! Here’s hoping that this is as bad as it gets. First bad day nearly done… 

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